She's Mean
by True2Momentai
Summary: Patton was about to perform in a comedy club! What he had in mind? Inspired by YouTube's NicePeter's "She's mean."


**I was inspired from NicePeter's song, "She's mean", which, I believe, aptly describes Numbuh** **86. If you haven't watched the video, go to YouTube and look for the song. Now, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KND or the song; this story is just for entertainment. Enjoy!**

"This is it Wally, are you ready?" Patton Drilovsky inquired. He and Wally Beatles were in the backstage of the Comedy Central Club, one of the popular places in town.

"Well, considering that we're about to tease your girlfriend in public, not really."

"Look, just relax, okay? And don't worry; I'm pretty sure everything's going to be fine."

Wally sighed. "I'll be holding to that sentence, because 18 years old is sure a young age to die."

"Whatever."

On the stage, the emcee's voice reverberated around the rather cramped club. "I hope you are ready for the next performance, because it will send you out of this world. Oh wait, you already are!"

Majority of the audience laughed.

"But seriously, folks, this is different. Let's give a round of applause for Patton Drilovsky and Wally Beatles!"

Patton and Wally entered the stage as the crowd clapped their hands.

"Good evening, Comedy Central!" Patton spoke to the microphone. "As you can see, I'll be singing a song with my guitar, while my friend here shall beatbox along. This song is dedicated to my girlfriend, who, hopefully, isn't here, or else she'll be giving me a good beating for what I'm about to do."

The last sentence brought some laughter. Patton took the time to scan around the room, and saw a rather puzzled-looking red-headed girl among the crowd. _Perfect_.

Wally started beatboxing into his microphone. Patton waited several seconds before strumming his guitar. When the tempo was established, the song started.

Patton:

_Well my girlfriend's mean_

_She always treats me wrong_

_I feel like a limp little kite in the wind_

_The way she pulls me along_

_She takes my money _(Wally: _Money!_)

_She eats all my food_

_She drank all the milk that I left for my cereal_

_And she had breakfast with another dude_

_Well I don't know_

_Why I love her so_

_I wanna give her a kiss_

_But she's slamming the door_

_I can't explain what she do to me_

_She gives me the itch_

_But it starts with a b_

Wally:

_I gotta say that this lady's crazy_

_She's always treating me like I'm acting shady_

_And lately it's even getting threatenin'_

_She wants to keep it in my room_

_An inside suspension_

_Or else she's gonna kick me out_

_I'm like,_

_"Baby, I'm the one who owns this house"_

Patton & Wally:

_She's mean_

_Yeah, my girl's mean_

Wally:

_She's a terror thing I've seen in a terrible dream_

_She's crazy like a female Charlie Sheen_

Patton & Wally:

_She's mean_

_Yeah, my girl's mean_

Wally:

_She's like a tiny little hulk that never turned green_

_She must feed off the souls of human beings_

Patton:

_Well my girlfriend's mean_

_She always treats me wrong_

_I feel like a limp little kite in the wind_

_The way she pulls me along_

_She takes my money _(Wally:_Money!_)

_She eats all my food_

_She drank all the milk that I left for my cereal_

_And she had breakfast with another dude_

_Well I don't know_

_Why I love her so_

_I wanna give her a kiss_

_But she's slamming the door_

_I can't explain what she do to me_

_She gives me the itch_

_But it starts with a b_

As the song was sung, Patton kept his gaze fixed at the girl. It was obvious from the fiery red cheeks and the murderous look from her eyes that she was livid with rage. He smirked, and moved on to the next chorus:

Patton:

_I know that this love seem freaky_

_But listen to her voice and you'll know why_

_Her accent makes the angels cry in joy_

_And that curly red hair is always lovely_

_Her pulchritude far outshine her temper_

_And baby, that's all I need to survive with her_

Patton & Wally:

_She's mean_

_Yeah, my girl's mean_

Wally:

_She may terrorise me like a vixen_

_But it's better than being alone _

Patton & Wally:

_She's mean_

_Yeah, my girl's mean_

Wally:

_She may be a tiny little hulk that never turned green_

_But she gives me strength with her fantastic prowess_

Patton:

_Well my girlfriend's mean_

_She always treats me wrong_

_I feel like a limp little kite in the wind_

_The way she pulls me along_

The audience all broke into a rapturous applause. Both Patton and Wally waved and bowed down several times.

"Thank you," Patton said. He glanced again towards the girl. However, she had vanished. _Nice, Kuki! Moving on to Phase 2._

"That was totally awesome!" Wally commented to Patton after exiting the stage.

"See, I told you everything was fine."

"Well, I gotta tell you man, you sure are audacious. I wonder how…"

"PATTON, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" An accented voice boomed. Wally cringed, while Patton calmly turned towards the voice. There stood the girl Patton had been seeing, her arms akimbo.

"Fanny."

"Wow, Patton, I just remembered I needed to meet Kuki. I don't wanna keep her waiting, so bye!" Wally turned around, and ran. Patton, meanwhile, kept his composure.

"What a surprise; I didn't know you have a sense of…"

"Don't change the subject, you stooopid boy!" she ordered, getting closer to him. "How dare you humiliate me in front of many people!"

"But your name wasn't…"

"Shut up, you ungrateful bastard! You've made me look like a devil incarnate! I am so going to kill you, Patton! I'll make you feel the…" Immediately he fished out a tiny blue box from his right pocket and opened it.

Fanny gasped. Inside it was a golden ring, with a sparkling ruby. "Patton…"

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"So, that's what this is all about?"

"Hey, I don't like clichés, so I thought this would be a nice change."

Fanny folded her arms on her chest. "You really think with your display of audacity, I would just accept this?"

The grin on Patton's face grew wider. "Maybe."

"You stupid boy…" Fanny hugged Patton and planted her lips on him. Patton reciprocated her, deepening the affectionate kiss. It lasted for several minutes, until the need for air overrode their brains.

"So, I'll take that as a yes?"

"Well, it's been 6 years; we've gone through thick and thin, resisted the urge to cheat, and had numerous fights which actually strengthen our bond. I don't see why we couldn't last until apocalypse."

Patton grinned again.

"Besides, this would mean that I'll be the co-owner of your house, right?"

"Sure." Fanny smirked. At first, Patton was confused, but then he realised the full meaning of her statement, and his grin disappeared. _Damn those loopholes!_


End file.
